Your Spooky Questions Answered: Burnout, budgeting and cash flow

It's October and this month we're talking about money fears.

Like the fear of burnout - feeling exhausted and that something has to change but you can't afford to stop.

Or the low-level anxiety of a partner who doesn't really get what you're doing.

Or the nagging awareness that you should be following up with clients but something keeps stopping you.

These are money fears. They're just dressed up as practical problems.

In this week's episode of Chill & Prosper I'm answering real questions from our community about exactly these kinds of situations, because you're probably not the only one sitting with them.

Inside the episode I cover:

• Being scared that budgeting will trigger scarcity mindset (and how to find your middle ground)
• What to do when you're burnt out and broke and rest isn't an option
• The backpack metaphor that changed how I run my business - and how to energetically separate yourself from your income
• How to handle a partner who's skeptical about money mindset without it turning into a fight
• The one thing to do today when you just need cash in the door right now

Because sometimes the money fear isn't about money at all. It's about exhaustion. Or feeling alone. Or not knowing what to do first.

And all of those have answers.

xx Denise

P.S. This month I've put together a free guide called Scary Money Conversations Made Easy — full of real scripts for the moments that feel most awkward in business. Refunds, late payments, boundary conversations, all of it. 

Grab it free at denisedt.com/scary. And if you want to go deeper this month, we're working through money fears live inside Money Bootcamp. 

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Prefer to read?

Here is the transcript for this episode:

Hey gorgeous, it's Denise Duffield-Thomas from Chill and Prosper, and I've got some questions to answer today.

Our first question comes from Kandi, who wants to know about budgeting and money mindset. She wants to get a better handle on where her money is going, but she's wondering how budgeting fits with abundance and manifesting.

Budgeting is an interesting one because some people really resist it. They feel like having a budget goes against the law of attraction, faith, or optimism. Some people even tell me that when they pay too much attention to their money, their luck seems to disappear.

I actually think both extremes can be money mindset issues.

It's important to take care of your money, understand where it's going, and know what you're spending it on. But you can also take that too far.

Some people become so focused on tracking every single cent that they don't leave any room for possibility, unexpected income, or the magic that can happen when you're open to receiving.

So you've got to find your middle ground.

I'm personally not a huge budgeter, but I do love using apps that show you different spending categories. It's really useful information.

Sometimes you'll discover money leaks you didn't even realise were there.

Maybe you're paying for several services that could be bundled together. Maybe you're spending more than you thought on something, or there's a better deal available.

That doesn't necessarily mean you have to cut everything back.

It's simply about being aware.

I think there's something powerful about showing money that you're a trustworthy person who can take care of it.

But even if you're someone who loves budgeting and tracking everything, please make sure you're budgeting for fun too.

Give yourself some breathing room.

Allow yourself to spend money on things that bring you joy without feeling guilty.

There's no right or wrong way to budget, Kandi. Budgeting isn't going to stop you from manifesting money, but you don't need to take it to an extreme either.

Find the balance that feels abundant and supportive for you.

Our next question comes from Melita, and it's a really important one.

She says she's burnt out but broke. She knows she needs to market her business and show up consistently, but she has absolutely no motivation left. Resting doesn't feel like an option because she needs to pay the bills.

How does she find that motivation again?

I see this a lot in business.

We put so much of ourselves into our businesses. Our creativity, our energy, our emotions, our time. And when the business isn't doing well, it can feel like we're not doing well either.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that you have to energetically separate yourself from your business.

I learned this from one of my mentors, Hiro Boga.

She helped me realise that when my business was completely attached to my personal energy, I became the bottleneck.

I had this visualisation of myself standing on a beach with an enormous backpack on my shoulders.

But the backpack was the size of a skyscraper.

It represented my entire business.

And I was trying to hold all of that weight by myself.

You can't build a skyscraper on the back of one person. It's too unstable.

So in that visualisation, I took the backpack off and planted it into the ground.

My business could have its own structure, energy, and support.

It still needed my love and attention, but it didn't have to be me.

That's the long-term work.

You need to build a business that can keep operating even when you're tired, unwell, or simply don't feel like showing up.

For me, batching has been a huge part of that.

I'm not naturally consistent, but my business is consistent because I've created systems that allow it to be.

I don't wake up every morning feeling excited to create content.

Did I feel like coming into the podcast studio to record twelve episodes today?

Absolutely not!

But I'd booked the studio. Someone was expecting me. And once I arrived, I got into it.

Sometimes you need external accountability.

Sometimes you need to create systems that don't rely on motivation.

Imagine if McDonald's made burgers based on whether someone felt inspired that day.

It wouldn't work.

They have systems so the business doesn't depend on one person's mood or energy.

And we need to create that in our businesses too.

But Melita, I also want to acknowledge that you need money right now.

So there are two separate things happening.

There's the immediate need to bring in cash, and there's the longer-term need to create a more sustainable business.

In the short term, you might need to sit down and send those follow-up emails.

Reach out to past clients.

Make some offers.

Send payment links.

Do whatever you need to do to bring in enough money to get through the next month.

That's not necessarily a sustainable long-term strategy, but sometimes it's what you need right now.

And I also want to say something that can feel quite taboo in the entrepreneurial world.

It's okay to get a job.

It's okay to get a part-time job, a contract role, or something temporary that gives you a reliable income.

That doesn't mean you've failed as an entrepreneur.

It means you're a human being who needs to eat, pay rent, and feel safe.

Sometimes having a regular pay cheque gives your nervous system the breathing room it needs.

Maybe you need to get a housemate, live with family for a while, or make some temporary changes to reduce your expenses.

Or maybe you decide to challenge yourself to see how many clients you can bring in this month.

There's no one answer.

Ask yourself what you genuinely need in this season of your life.

But long term, start creating those systems.

Batch your content.

Schedule your marketing.

Create processes that keep things moving even when you don't feel like it.

Because your business shouldn't fall apart every time you need to rest.

Our next question comes from Jennifer.

She's been reading my books, listening to the podcast, and doing lots of money mindset work, but her husband is incredibly negative about money.

He constantly says they can't afford things, even when they can, and he thinks money mindset work is mumbo jumbo.

She wants to know how to get him on board.

Oh my goodness, Jennifer, I hear this all the time!

One thing to remember is that you're immersing yourself in this work.

You're reading the books, listening to the podcast, and hearing these messages over and over again.

Your husband probably isn't.

So the ideas that feel completely normal to you now might be brand new to him.

And he might still be surrounded by negative messages about money.

So have some compassion for that.

But here's the important part.

His money mindset isn't your responsibility.

Imagine you're each carrying a backpack full of money blocks.

Your backpack contains all the messages you've absorbed from childhood, school, television, family, and your own experiences.

He's carrying his own backpack.

You don't need to carry both.

One thing that can help is having conversations from a place of curiosity rather than trying to teach him.

Ask what money was like in his family growing up.

Did he get pocket money?

What did his parents say about money?

What were his earliest experiences with spending or saving?

You don't need to turn it into a seminar.

Just have a conversation.

I've had to do this with Mark.

He used to look in the cupboard and say, "We've got nothing to eat."

And I'd look at the exact same cupboard and think, "What are you talking about? We could make so many meals!"

But that phrase really triggered something in me.

When I was growing up, if my mum said we had nothing to eat, it meant something serious.

She was incredibly resourceful and could make a meal out of almost anything.

So when Mark said those words, my inner child immediately went into panic.

I felt like we were about to be homeless and starving.

And I had to explain that to him.

I said, "When you say we've got nothing to eat, it makes me feel really unsafe. Could you please not say that?"

It wasn't about making him wrong.

It was about explaining what those words meant to me.

We also started introducing little phrases into our family.

Things like, "Lucky we're rich! Look how much food we've got!"

Just small, playful ways of creating a different conversation around money.

You might also find that your partner gradually absorbs some of these ideas simply by being around them.

I've heard from women who've played audiobooks in the car or listened to visualisations around the house, and their partners have slowly started picking up on things.

But ultimately, you don't need him to believe everything you believe.

You can keep doing your own money mindset work.

You can have different perspectives.

And you don't need to take responsibility for changing him.

After a quick break, our next question comes from Rebecca, who's feeling ashamed of wanting more.

In her family, the attitude is that enough is enough. They pride themselves on being able to live on very little.

But Rebecca has bigger goals, and when she talks about them, her family makes comments about her being money hungry or wanting too much.

This is such a common experience, especially for women who feel like they're moving beyond the financial circumstances they grew up in.

Maybe your family identifies as working class, or perhaps there's a strong belief that people shouldn't want more than anyone else.

You might hear comments like:

"Oh, you think you're too good for us now?"

"Must be nice!"

"Don't get too big for your boots."

And those comments can really sting.

Sometimes it's not just your family. It's the culture of your town, city, or country.

There's that tall poppy syndrome where people are uncomfortable with someone wanting to achieve something different.

And it can make you feel like your dreams are somehow wrong.

One of the best things you can do is find a community where your goals are normal.

If you've never met anyone who's written a book, becoming an author might feel like an impossible dream.

But my kids have grown up surrounded by books written by people we know.

We'll go into a bookshop and I'll say, "Oh, there's my book! There's my friend's book!"

So to them, writing a book is a perfectly normal thing to do.

When Willow was little, she wrote her own book and wanted me to put it in a bookshop.

She didn't think it was strange or impossible.

She'd seen people do it.

And that's what community can do for you.

When you're surrounded by people who are pursuing similar goals, your dreams stop feeling unusual.

You don't need to keep looking to your family for validation they may never be able to give you.

You can love them, accept their choices, and still want something different for yourself.

Find people who are going where you want to go.

Join online communities, memberships, professional groups, or coaching programs.

Go to conferences and events.

Spend time around people who would never shame you for your goals.

It doesn't mean you need to abandon your family or friends.

It simply means you can get encouragement and validation from other places.

Our next question comes from Shalini.

She describes herself as a kind, generous person, but she constantly says yes when she wants to say no.

She gives clients extra time, agrees to additional work, offers discounts she doesn't really want to give, and feels guilty about setting boundaries.

Shalini, I love that you recognise yourself as a kind and generous person.

That's a wonderful quality.

But I suspect you might have a strong Nurturer archetype in your Sacred Money Archetypes.

And sometimes Nurturers can take generosity so far that they become martyrs.

They give and give until they're completely exhausted and resentful.

The important thing to understand is that you don't have to set boundaries in the same way I do.

I'm a Ruler archetype, and my approach to boundaries might feel quite direct.

But your boundaries can still be warm, gentle, and generous.

Start with one small thing.

For example, if you have a one-hour client session that regularly turns into three hours, you could simply say:

"That's a great question. Let's park that for next time."

That's it.

You haven't been rude.

You've acknowledged their question and created a clear boundary.

And actually, keeping sessions focused is often better for your clients.

They want results, and sometimes those extra hours simply create more procrastination.

The same applies when clients ask for work outside the original scope.

Imagine you're building a website and the client suddenly asks for a couple of extra pages.

You could say:

"That's a great idea! We don't have room for that in the current project, but I'm happy to add it for an additional $1,000, or we can park it for phase two."

I love the phrase "phase two."

It acknowledges that their idea is valuable without committing you to doing it for free.

And it gives you an opportunity to work together again later.

You can also ask, "What would you like to remove from the current scope to make room for that?"

The key is that additional work has a consequence.

It might cost more money.

It might take more time.

Or it might need to wait.

But you don't have to absorb every new request.

And Shalini, please remember that setting boundaries doesn't make you any less kind or generous.

Start small.

You don't have to change everything overnight.

If you need help with the wording, I've got a free ebook called Awkward Money Conversations Made Easy at denise.com/awkward.

Our next question comes from Sami, who's worried about raising her prices.

She knows she's undercharging, but it feels safe.

She's making enough money to get by, but there's never anything extra.

And she's terrified that if she increases her prices, she'll lose clients.

Sami, I think you've already answered your own question.

You know you're undercharging.

You know there's room to increase your prices.

And I suspect you're looking for permission.

So here it is.

You're allowed to charge more.

There isn't one correct price for your work.

You get to choose.

And yes, you might lose some clients when you raise your prices.

I don't want to pretend that never happens.

But clients come and go anyway.

Even if you kept your prices exactly the same forever, some people would eventually stop working with you.

Their circumstances change.

Their needs change.

Sometimes you're simply no longer the right fit.

And when you increase your prices, you also create space for new clients who are comfortable paying those rates.

Something else to watch for is resentment.

When you're charging just enough to get by, you might start feeling frustrated or burdened by your clients.

You might feel bored, overworked, or underappreciated.

And that's not necessarily healthy for you or them.

Lots of businesses increase their prices every year as a normal part of doing business.

Their costs go up, their experience grows, and their rates change.

You can do the same.

But rather than quietly changing your prices overnight, I think there's a lovely opportunity to make it a positive event.

Give your clients plenty of notice.

You might say:

"Just letting you know that my prices will be increasing in six weeks. If you'd like to book at my current rate, you can do that before the change."

You could offer existing clients the opportunity to purchase a bundle or book sessions at the current price.

This does a few things.

It gives people fair warning.

It encourages those who've been thinking about working with you to make a decision.

And it can create an influx of bookings before your prices increase.

That extra income can help you feel more comfortable during the transition.

I've actually created all the scripts and emails for this.

You can get them for free at denise.com/increase.

And remember, you're allowed to choose your prices.

You don't have to charge the same as everyone else in your industry.

You don't have to be affordable to everyone.

You're allowed to be the most expensive.

You're allowed to be outside someone's budget.

That doesn't make your pricing wrong.

And here's my final thought about pricing.

Sometimes we spend so much time trying to work out the perfect price that we never actually launch anything.

We compare ourselves with everyone else.

We analyse what competitors charge.

We try to find some magical number that's going to feel comfortable for every single person.

But pricing is often far more arbitrary than we think.

Why is one painting worth a million dollars and another worth five dollars?

There isn't always a simple formula.

And when you look at other people's prices, remember that they made those numbers up too.

They pulled them out of their butts!

So don't base your butt on somebody else's butt.

Pick your own price.

And if it doesn't work, you can change it.

You can call it an introductory price if that makes you feel more comfortable.

You can increase it when you're getting booked out.

You can change it when you feel resentment creeping in.

You can adjust it when your business evolves.

You're the boss.

Don't let pricing be the thing that stops you from putting your work into the world.

I've got more free resources at denise.com/pricing if you need help.

And remember my favourite affirmation:

I serve, I deserve.

You don't need to have everything figured out.

You don't need to know all the answers.

You just need to take the next step.

Thanks so much for all your questions today. If you've got a question about money mindset, manifesting, marketing, or business, send me an email or DM and let me know. Put "Podcast Question" in the subject line if you're emailing.

I'll see you next week on another episode of Chill and Prosper.