3 Steps to Stop People Pleasing and Create Better Boundaries
I’m back with a healthy boundaries prescription for you that you can start using straight away to create a better life.
First of all, I want you to consider are you saying YES to everyone else but saying NO to yourself? Learn how to set healthy boundaries and how to STOP saying yes and take care of yourself. This is a BIG challenge for many female entrepreneurs.
Why the hell do we say yes, when we really mean NO?
Back when I started out, not only was I a chronic YES girl, I actually wore it on a chain around my neck. I would say yes before I even knew what I was committing to. I said yes to people and things that made me really unhappy.
So many women are doing the exact same thing, for various reasons… to avoid hurting other people’s feelings, so people don’t think you’re a bitch, to keep the peace… etc.
Here’s my prescription for getting out of the people pleasing trap.
STEP 1. Decide when YOU want to work.
- Do you want to do evenings and weekends… or not?
- What’s the earliest or latest you’re happiest with working?
- When do you work best?
- Can you take off a whole day completely from client work?
It’s okay to have your business be exactly the way you want it. There are MORE than enough clients out there for you.
STEP 2: Create a new policy and inform your clients about it.
Just make a simple announcement on your website or newsletter:
“From 1st Oct, opening hours are X Y Z.”
No apologies or over-explaining (it’s your business after-all) and no need to beg for understanding. Just give them notice (anything up to a month is fine) and that’s the end of it. Remember, people make time for dentist and doctor appointments. You don’t have to be super convenient for everyone.
I know the fear is that you’ll lose all your clients, but trust me – that won’t happen. You might even free up time and energy to write a book, create some programs that don’t require your time or have energy for some well-defined pro-bono work.
STEP 3: Enforce the new boundary.
People will try and push the new boundary, “Can you make an exception for me, pretty please?“. Trust me. It will happen within 24 hours of you mentally and emotionally making the decision. I bet you ten bucks.
And seriously, the first time you enforce it, you’ll feel like the biggest bitch in the world, but stick to your guns and you’ll feel amazing.
What’s the Energy Behind Being ‘Too Available’?
Here’s something to think about – I used to offer my clients up to 55 different slots a week. I had maybe 10-15 clients a week which was my idea of a happy workload. So, I was just trying to be accommodating by offering them appointments anytime from 7am-6pm five days a week. (I stopped offering my 5am offering but 7am appointments still sucked).
One client said that seeing so many available appointments on my calendar made her think, “Hmmm, maybe Denise isn’t doing so well”.
Being too accommodating can backfire as well as making you stressed.
However, work through these three steps and I promise you’ll start to feel better, your relationships and communication skills will improve and you’ll be making more money.
It’s your time and you’re ready for the next step.
I’d love to hear from you. Tell me what are you saying YES to that you really don’t want to do? Where are you saying NO to yourself?
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