How to Stop Overgiving and Avoid Burnout

I want to talk about over giving today. And give you the tools to help you avoid burnout. We’re gonna dig into undercharging and over delivering! I have done this so many times in my business – I have to watch myself for this constantly. 

I’ve given away necklaces, earrings, tea cups, even a branded calculator. Yes, really! I know the importance first hand of setting boundaries around stuff, AND my energy and time.

You know what, it’s okay to keep things simple (and in fact I wholeheartedly recommend it). 

Let’s find some small tweaks that will bring you more joy, more space, more bandwidth and a more profitable business.



In this episode, you'll learn: 

  • How to price your offerings
  • How to set better boundaries around your energy
  • How over-giving can suck up all your profit 
  • How to take back control of your time
  • Why too much information is a massive turn-off for clients!



Hey gorgeous. It's Denise Duffield-Thomas here for Chill and Prosper. And I am so excited to talk about today, because we're talking about how to stop over giving in your business. How to stop undercharging and over delivering and how to stop burnout from over giving as well. So, I have done this so many times in my business, so please don't think I am lecturing at you, because I have to watch this over giving, over delivering thing all the time. And, you do not need to change everything in your business, you don't have to go the other way and swing the pendulum. There could just be some really small tweaks that you make in your business starting from today, that will give you more joy, more space, more bandwidth and actually it will really help your business too.

                                                So, let me talk about one thing that I did that really showcased to me how much of an over deliverer I was. And, I have spoken about this in my books too. So, picture this, it was my first ever free workshop, it was a goal setting workshop and I completely over gave in the workshop. I gave them every manifesting tool I've ever learnt in my whole life. I gave them all the different scenarios. I tried to think of every question they could possibly have and jam it into their brains. And, it was supposed to be an hour and a half workshop, it was a three hour workshop.

                                                And, so not only did I over give there, I then said to people, "Hey, by the way, if you liked this free workshop, I am doing a full day workshop coming up and it's $97." So, it was going to be my first full day, in person workshop for $97, which is pretty freaking cheap for a full day and I think it even included food as well. And then I was like, "And, if you buy today, I'll give you these earrings." And they were these earrings that had love written on them and they were really cute. And then I was like, "And, if you buy today, you'll get two free one-on-one coaching sessions with me." And it was crazy. So, actually a lot of people came up and just threw money at me. I was like, oh my God, this is amazing, look at all these people giving me money.

                                                And I was really, really chuffed, until I realized that I had completely over egged the pudding. I had completely... Too much is sometimes not good. So first of all, I had to deliver all those one-on-one sessions, which is my time. And, normally I would have charged a couple of hundred dollars per session. I was just trying to over give and trying to be generous. And then of course, I was running an in-person workshop that had real hard costs involved. So, I had the workshop itself, I was like, oh cool, my... And it was a pretty cheap workshop space. And, I think that's why I over gave, because I was like, oh, it's only just my time and this workshop space.

                                                But it wasn't, there was actually a ton of costs that I didn't really take into consideration. Things like the preparation time that it takes, the parking. I wanted to go get my hair done, so I could feel confident. I was wearing open toe shoes and I was like, oh God, I need a pedicure. And all of that stuff really adds up. Then I was like, oh God, I need markers. Oh, do I need name tags for everyone? Oh, I better bring extra scissors, because we were doing a, sorry, a dream board, I forgot the word, a dream board workshop. So, I had to go and buy heaps of magazines and glue and all of these things. And then I was like, oh, I need water for people. Oh, well, I need after lunch mints, I was just adding things into it. And so, I actually didn't make really any money out of that workshop and it was a really big lesson for me, that I didn't learn and I did at least another couple of dozen of times.

                                                So, here's the thing, when it comes to over giving, one of the big lessons is to really get clear on what something is going to cost you, including your time, including your expertise and then work out what's an appropriate kind of bonus. The other lesson that I learnt, is that you don't have to bribe people to work with you. That it's enough what you're offering, it's enough for your energy and presence, it's enough for the transformation you're offering. You absolutely don't need to bribe them.

                                                So, I did the same thing, I was running an event in London and I started to think of all these cool things I could do to decorate the room. So I was like, oh wow, they're all going to sit at round tables. Let's get some crystals and fake money coins, you know those chocolate coins? And then I was like, oh, maybe we could do money trees and maybe we could do, I'll get affirmation cards. And, oh, I'll get some fake money note pads. And then I was like, ooh, what about branded stuff? So it was like... This was back when my brand was Lucky Bitch, so I was like, oh, they have to get a branded Lucky Bitch notebook, they have to get a branded pen, ooh, they definitely need a branded calculator. And, it just kept on going and going and going. And you think I would have learnt that lesson, but I didn't. I still haven't.

                                                I run retreats at my rose farm. And so, last year I ran a retreat and I was like, oh my God, they need notebooks, they need tea cups, they need branded aprons with my Lorn Rose Farm, that's the name of my farm. They need all this stuff. And so, I was over, over, over, over, over giving again and again. So, I can say learn from my lesson, but it's really difficult. It is really difficult to see, where is too much and where is the sweet spot? Okay.

                                                And so, one thing that's really helped me is to think of the environmental impact sometimes, of the over giving of stuff. That's really helped me to tone it down a little bit. But also, Mark is really good at just saying, "Hey, they're there to see you. They're there to get a transformation. They're not there to get a branded teacup. That's nice, but that's not what they're there for." So, you have to get really clear sometimes on, what is it that you're really offering people? Are you offering a transformation? Do they really need a branded calculator to get that transformation? Or, is that just you just trying to pad it all out? Are you trying to bribe people? Are you trying to make it feel like they got their money's worth?

                                                Now, the other thing that I really do these days is, I just sit and write out and go, hang on, am I doing it too much? And, guess what? When I went to Oprah's event in Sydney, her VIP thing, the gift bags were stuffed with lots of crap. And I went, oh my God, even the people promoting Oprah doesn't think that Oprah's enough. I was there to see Oprah. I was there, I wanted to get a photo with Oprah. I didn't care about an Oprah mug and a, just all random stuff. So, it's totally okay, it's safe for you to be the prize and not to be all the extra, extra, extra stuff.

                                                Now, that's physical stuff. I want to talk about where you might be over giving with your time and your energy and your information. And about how that can really derail you sometimes and actually give you the opposite impact than you want to give. All right, all will be revealed after this very short little break.

Jessica Osborn:                 Hi, my name is Jessica Osborn and I live on the beautiful Sunshine Coast of Australia. I am a Marketing Coach for online services, businesses and coaches. And, last year I read Chillpreneur because I think it really stood out to me as something that aligned with my own vision and purpose of how a business should be. It should support your life, not rule it. And, I was really interested to learn more about money mindset and uncover any blocks that I might have. So, the thing that really, I guess made a difference to me after reading it was, just getting over the fact that I needed to put offers out there to make more money and to not be afraid to put out more offers. It doesn't have to be a promotion, it could be via email. And, by applying that strategy I absolutely was able to earn more when I needed to earn more. So, I really thank you Denise, for the simple, really easy to understand and implement tips that you have in this book. It was really fun to read and I loved it. So, thank you.

Denise Duffield...:            All righty. Welcome back to the second half of this episode about over giving in your business and how it can be really detrimental and exhausting and it can really suck up all your profit. So of course, in the first half we were talking about physical stuff. About how you might be over giving if you're running events or workshops, or you might be sending gifts even to your clients for signing up with you. And just, it's really good to look at where you're doing it too much, where you're trying to feel like you're bribing people because it might be bringing up your imposter syndrome. So, you might not do any physical stuff at all, so I want to talk about where over giving might be creeping into other areas of your business and your time and energy.

                                                So, the first one is time. It actually is time and about how this can so easily creep up. And we think we're doing it from a place of generosity, but it can be really detrimental to our clients. So, if you have any type of business where you have one-on-one time with your clients, so it could be you're a consultant, it could be that you're a psychic, it could be that you are a coach or a teacher in some way, or you're giving people your time that you're selling. Now, this can be such a big mistake at the start. And I did this where I was coaching people, the coaching sessions were supposed to be for an hour and they would regularly go to two, two and a half hour hours. Because I felt like I wanted to be thorough, I felt like I wanted to be generous and I wanted to answer every single question that anybody ever, ever had in their entire life and experience.

                                                And what I found was, that often people didn't rebook because they had so many things that they were trying to achieve. I had given them so many to-dos, I had given them so much that they were overwhelmed. And that doesn't lend itself to long term transformation, it's exhausting, it tells people, it almost gives people that feeling that they have to rely on you for all of the answers and it doesn't give them that long term transformation. So, I just want to share really quickly something that I started doing, which was so mind blowingly effective for me. And this might be so obvious to you, but just setting boundaries around time.

                                                So, I started sending out a pre talk questionnaire to say, hey, what do you want to talk about? Because, I find that sometimes when you get on with a client, if they haven't thought about it, it can grow and grow. And it used to be, people would go, "Oh, I've thought of one more thing." And so I started to say, "Okay, well what's going on for you? And, what's really important for us to talk about?" And then, we'd get on the call and say, "Great. So you've given me three things that you want to talk about and we've got an hour today." So I would tell them, "We've got an hour together". Because it's your job to look at the clock, but it's also your job to set the boundary. Because if, say someone's having a psychic reading with you, time is going to fly for them and they're not sitting there looking at the clock, so you have to make it a safe container.

                                                So I'd go, "Great. We've got an hour together." And then I'd say, "Which one do you want to work on first?" And they'd go, "Oh, well, this is the big priority." "Great. Let's talk through that." And, I'd make sure that, "Well, do you have any other questions around that one topic? Because, I don't want to just move on to something else." "Nope, we're done." "Cool." So I'd go, "Well, great. We're halfway through now, so we could probably only look at one other thing. What's the most important?" And then, and this was a real key, at 15 minutes to, I'd wrap it up. "Hey, look, I just want to, let's wrap this up. Because I want to make sure that you know what you're doing after this."

                                                Because if you are a coach or a consultant in any way, it's about, what's the transformation that they have to go and achieve? You can't do everything for them. So you want to be really clear, "Okay. So, what's really important for you to go and do? What's your homework?" And then, at five minutes to I'd go, "Okay, great. So, let's just be really clear, you're going to do this by this date." The mistake I used to make was at five minutes to, I'd go, "Hey, is there anything else you'd want to talk about?" And they'd go, "Yeah, actually I want to talk about..." This whole different thing and it would open up a whole can of worms. So if they did, I'd go, "Oh, that's great. Let's write that down and that can be our first priority for next call."

                                                Now, this is going to be really useful, no matter what you teach, what you sell, if you are, even if you have a group coaching program where you do Q and A's. And I've only just recently done this, where my Q and A's were supposed to go for an hour, they stretched to an hour and a half and I have recently put them back to an hour. And I've said, "No, we're going to stick to this. That was my fault that they'd go over and it doesn't need to be longer than this." But you have to set that thing, "We've got 60 minutes together today. Okay, let's let's wrap up."

                                                I had a coaching session, I'm not going to say the industry, because this has happened to me a few times actually, where it was a three hour call. It was supposed to be an hour call, because they just never wrapped up. And, that was me as the client. And so I was like, "Okay, maybe it's time for us to wrap up." And they're like, "Oh no, that's fine." I was like, oh, I'm so overwhelmed with information. So, that is a way for you to... It's your job to set that container, it's your job to look at the clock and it's your job to keep them on topic.

                                                And, it's really kind to do that. My friend, Randi Buckley, who teaches about boundaries, she always reiterates, it's kind to have boundaries and to set that time. Because you don't want your people to get overwhelmed and you don't want them to feel like they can't do everything, they can't win. They can't actually achieve it, because it's too much.

                                                Okay. So, that's around time, but let's talk about information, about information overload. So, in the first half I said about how I did that free goal setting workshop and then did an upsell to my paid workshop. I put so much into that workshop. Oh my God. It was so overwhelming. It was too many things. So, some of you are trying to put 20 years worth of information into a blog post, 20 years of information into a podcast, 50 years of information into a course and lots of different opposing thoughts and feelings about things. And so, think about how you can be kinder around information.

                                                And, I've shared this many times before in my books and even on this podcast, about how our refund rates were creeping up in Money Bootcamp, because we had too much information in there. It made people feel like they were losers if they didn't do it all. It made people feel very overwhelmed. So, it's okay to hold something back and just be really simple. You don't have to cover the whole life cycle of a client's journey in one go, they might be beginners, they might be someone who just, they need a tweak for that particular time or where they're at at that moment.

                                                And so yeah, information can be very, very overwhelming for people. And you want it to be this, you want them to get the transformation, you don't want them to share, you don't want them to have to do everything all at once. Okay. So, that's super important. So, I want you to look at where you might be over delivering around information and cut some of it out. It's okay to cut it out and make it simpler. So they'll actually do it, so they'll actually get the transformation that you want.

                                                And then, the last thing I want to talk about is bonuses. So, we talked about the physical bonuses that I did, like have a necklace, like have a earrings, have a tea cozy, have a branded calculator. But, there can also be too many bonuses, digital bonuses and things as well. And, I have definitely been mindful of that, as my course, Money Bootcamp gets older and older, just little things start to add up and the bonuses can start to get a little bit out of control. So, I'm thinking of actually doing a bit of a cull and a bit of an audit. Because, not everything is yours to teach and not everything is useful to give as a bonus.

                                                And I noticed this may be five years ago, there was a big trend of really over stacking bonuses in things like courses. And it'd be like, the bonuses are valued at $10,000, but you can get the whole cost for $37. And it was just like, mm, you don't have to be everything to everyone. You don't have to do everything, it's totally okay. In my book Chillpreneur, which is being renamed Chill and Prosper, like the podcast, I talk about doing a matrix, write out everything that you want to offer as a bonus and, first of all chuck out everything that's, you feel like is just going out of scope. But also look at, what's a quick win for you? What would be a quick win for them? And, mapping it all out accordingly. And that's a bonus if you've got my book Chillpreneur, Chill and Prosper. But, you don't have to give everything. You don't have to bribe people to work with you so much. It's okay for it to be simple. It's okay for it to be multiple products or break it up.

                                                And even in this podcast, there was some things I wanted to do and I'm like, oh no, that's a whole other podcast episode. Like boundaries in my Facebook group for example, that's a whole other podcast. So, look out for that one. But, it's safe for you to be their prize. It's safe for you to not over deliver. It's safe for you to hold things back. It's safe for you to be kind with your boundaries, as Randi Buckley says and it's safe for you not to be everything to everyone.

                                                All right, I've got a couple of more thoughts. Don't go away after this short break. I've got my final, final thoughts for you.

Leah:                                     Hey, I'm Leah from Destiny Drive and I'm in Melbourne, Australia. I joined Money Bootcamp in January this year and I'm so glad I did. I really do wish I did it earlier, I was on the fence for a really long time, but it's just really changed my perspective and the way I sort of structure my business. So, I run a e-commerce store and I sell physical manifestation journals. But since joining the program, I now have a digital version of the same journal that I have as a passive product. So now, I literally make money in my sleep. I wake up in the morning and I have orders that I didn't need to do anything for. And it's just, it blows my mind still. Leah from 12 months ago just wouldn't have been okay with that and wouldn't have even known that that was a thing. So, I totally recommend getting in the group, the Facebook group attached to it is just out of this world. I've never had so many amazing women in one space that you can just learn off. So yeah, get in the group as quick as you can.

Denise Duffield...:            Okay. Welcome back. And this is my final thought for today, is the word cash, cash, cash, cash. Now, of course we live in a very digital society now, where we don't handle cash as much as we used to, but it can still have a really interesting lesson for us. Because, so many of us, our very first interaction with money was with physical cash. And if you are a little kid and you pick up a coin, what do you do? You put it in your mouth. And, our parents freak out of course, because they don't want us to choke, but they say, "Don't do that. Money is dirty." Money is dirty. And that's our very first interaction with cash.

                                                And so, I just want you to ponder on what your relationship is with cash. It could be, it's safe for me to handle money. And, I know it's just a simple little memory that so many of us have. Well, you don't even know, you're not even aware of it. But, you could still have little pockets of yourself that is scared to handle cash, to handle money. Some of my lucky bees, they put a 20 dollar or a hundred dollar or a 50 dollar note, whatever, in their wallet so they can see it and they feel like they always have cash on them. Other people get freaked out about that, because they feel like it's not safe to handle money, it's not safe to have it. And, that could really uncover some stuff for you around, it's not safe for you to have money. So, just play with this affirmation for the next couple of days and it could be, it's safe for me to have cash. It's safe for me to handle money. I can be trusted with money. Money is for me. Mm, see what gets uncovered about that.

                                                All right. I love hearing your stories. I love seeing your beautiful faces. Send me a picture of where you're listening to Chill and Prosper today. If it's in your car, in your office, with your kids, with a sleeping baby, with sleeping dogs, let me know. And you can just send me a, yeah, I'm @denisedt everywhere and I would love to hear from you. All right. I will see you next week for another episode of Chill and Prosper.

About the Show

Chill & Prosper is your weekly dose of money mindset, marketing and humour from best-selling author and entrepreneur Denise Duffield-Thomas.

Denise's philosophy is that there is ALWAYS an easier way to make money and that's what she's here to help you do. Each week, you'll get actionable advice to help you make more money, with less work. There's no need to hustle - let Denise show you how to embrace the Chillpreneur way.

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