Hello, lovely. It's Denise here and welcome to another AMA as in, ask me anything. Where I answer questions from people, who've sent them in the community or DMed me or whatever, and it is a bit of a mixed bag of random things. And this is our fifth one that we've done, they've been really popular. We do them about once a month and it is, we go in kind of some random areas. So if there's anything you've ever wanted to ask me, feel free to either DM me or email me and ask for it to be added to the list for a future episode. So we are going to just jump straight in. We go in lots of different random directions and let's have fun. So one question that came in is, how do you deal with pain in the butt people? Pain in the butt clients.
And, oh, there's so many answers to this, but one, okay. It's all about boundaries, because you cannot avoid having pain in the butt people in your life and your business. But you can get better at spotting them. You can get better at turning them off for your business and you can get better at dealing with them. So it really depends, I want everyone to think of someone in their business, that's a pain in the but person and what you can do to avoid that situation in the future. So sometimes it's like, you just have to trust your gut. Because so many people tell me, "I knew I shouldn't have taken that client on. My gut told me no, but I needed the money." And sometimes the money is not worth it at all, and you just have to just be okay. Saying no. Other times, it's about framing who you can work with, who you can help in a better way.
If you just attracting all sorts of random people, you can just get better at saying, here's who I can help. Especially if there's things that annoy you. Like you might like to work with someone who has got an established business or you might love working with beginners. So part of that is trial and error and just being really clear on who you can help. And then, so much of it is about boundaries. I had to set tons of boundaries in my Money Bootcamp Group because I was getting pain in the butt there, but people in there who didn't follow the rules. So I had to be like, here are the rules and leave if you don't follow the rules. And I felt like the biggest bitch around that. So, and then you'll still get people who will ask for a refund, who will be unfair, who will bitch about you all of those things.
Some of that is just a rite of passage, but sometimes you just need to set those boundaries in place with it. And I do talk about that a lot in my newest book, Chill and Prosper. I've got scripts and things like that in there for you. Just go to, you can get it from anywhere it's in Kindle, Paperback and audio from the normal places or go to denisedt.com/prosper and you can get all the bonuses and stuff with that too. But there's tons of advice in there on how to deal with people. But you know what, please don't be scared about having pain in the butt clients it's going to happen. There's some things you can do to avoid it and mitigate it a little bit, but don't be afraid. It's just a rite of passage, okay. Rite of passage.
Okay. So the next question is that, how do you deal with those nasty little voices in your head and the doubts that come up when you're trying to do something in business? You might think, "oh, Denise is always so positive about everything." And I have those little voices of self doubt too. And when they come up, I know that I need to go back to the basics. I need to make sure I'm doing my tapping regularly, my EFT. I need to make sure I'm surrounded by people who are positive. I need to make sure that I'm listening to positive podcasts and just to infusing my day with some positivity. Because, otherwise, those little thoughts will come back and they'll tell you are not good enough. You are not meant to be successful, you're a horrible person. Nobody likes you. And you crowd those out by those positivity habits.
So for you, it could be journaling or it could be going to the beach or it could be listening to a great podcast or reading a couple of pages before you go to bed. Oprah talks about gratitude, how her gratitude practice has helped her a lot. So it's just those tiny little habits and reminding yourself that you don't have to be perfect to be successful, it's okay. Okay, cool. Oh, this is a great question, oh my God. How do hormones affect your mindset? Okay, so my friend, Sarah Leather, who is also in Money Bootcamp, she has created a lot of resources around, I think it's Making Millions in Menopause. So that's Sarah Leather, just Google Sarah Leather, Menopause. And she talks a lot about that. So I was oblivious to this. I was just like, "oh you know, just when I started my business in my early '30s," I was like, "Mmm, yay, like just have confidence, babe."
I'd have clients who were in their '40s and '50s and I'd be thinking, "man, these women, they have got no self confidence." But now, I realize how much menopause and perimenopause can impact your confidence and your self confidence. And I noticed that, last year I was having a lot more anxiety and I just didn't feel confident in myself. So if that's you and you like, perimenopause is so understudied and menopause is so understudied really, on how it impacts our careers and our money. So make sure you're in that conversation. Just like anything, when you go into a new phase of life, when you're starting your business, when you have kids. Or you're starting your business and you're just starting out and you need that extra confidence, you do that by surrounding yourself with people who are in that conversation.
And so, go and seek people who are having these conversations about menopause and money and give yourself what you need to thrive in this new phase of life. So they really absolutely can make you feel just less confident and you are worthy of whatever help you need. Personally, I do have hormone replacement therapy. This is not a health podcast, whatever, and I can afford that. And I gave myself permission to get whatever help and support I needed to get through this phase of life and to thrive in this phase of life. So big hugs to everyone out there navigating different stages and it's safe for you to thrive in any phase of your life, good question. Okay, so this is a question around what's the difference between having a money abundance mindset and being wasteful. And I totally get this, because none of us really want to just make money and ruin the planet, right?
And so, what's this line of like, "oh, I want to upgrade my life and I want to be abundant, but I feel guilty and I don't want my kids to feel entitled as well. I don't want a lot of stuff." And how do you deal with that? So I'll do the wasteful one first and then I'll talk more about kids, because I think that's really important. What I've noticed as I've become wealthier is, there really is a truth in that thing of buying quality stuff and how it does last longer. And so I was with my friend, Victoria Gibson, who I talk about a lot on this podcast. I went to go visit her in Melbourne and we had a fancy theater date and she goes, "oh, I want to take you shopping into some of the fancy stores." Because she knows that I never go in the fancy stores and she's very comfortable and confident in there.
And so she's like, "I want you to try on some Saint Laurent high heels, because I want you to feel what it feels like." And I remember just going, "no, it's not my style, it's not my thing. I feel intimidated in the store." So we walked in and she's like, "my friend would like to try on those shoes and that she's at 39" or whatever it was and "I want in the nude, please." And so this lady went and got, "oh yes, can I get you guys some champagne while you wait?" My friend's like, "yes, please. Thank you. But my friend will have sparkling water because she doesn't drink." And so we were sitting there and I was like, "oh my God, I feel so uncomfortable in here." And I tried on the shoes. I didn't get them in the end, but I did get a bag from there.
But [inaudible] was saying, she's like, you will have these forever. They will never go out of style, you can get them repaired. They will last you forever. And they'll always look like a million dollars. And it really, I was just like, "oh, okay. I don't know how to deal with that." But she was right. Like it is something sometimes with money and like I am, why I was way more wasteful buying heaps of cheap things that will just go into landfill, that don't last. So I think there's something there about finding what's your line of abundance and finding what are the things that will feel good for you. And that will last and that are in alignment with your values. Because I kind of thought, "ah, design goods, they're not in alignment with my values." I thought that for a long time.
Now, I realized after Victoria made me try some on, I was like, "wow, these actually feel really good. They're very comfortable." And I could see how I would have them for a long time. So I think there's something to learn about all of that. But let's talk about, after the break about how you deal with the kid factor and not wanting a lot of stuff because that's really key. All right, I'll see you in a sec after the break.
Shay Green: Good morning. My name is Shay Green and I just finish reading the updated version of Chill and Prosper. Actually didn't read it, I listened to it because it's easier. This book is, I've actually listened to all four of her books in the last, of Denise's books in the last three weeks. And this woman has absolutely changed my life. She has made me realize that it's okay to be a strong minded, strong willed and very determined woman in this world. I've gone against all the odds. And I worked for a roofing company for 15 years and I recently stopped working there. Whole business shut actually, because my dad retired and I've opened my own Reiki practice right here in Newcastle. So I'm a fellow Novocastrian with Denise and I actually only opened two a week and a half ago.
So it's very new to me and I found Denise at the time when I was trying to learn to price and I've never done that before. And she made me realize that pricing is relevant, but it's also, as she says, "it's just a number." And I didn't feel like that before. She's made me look at things from a completely different perspective.
Denise Duffield...: Hey, welcome back. So we are doing, ask me anything. This is where people will send in questions and I answer random stuff. So the questions before the break was, how do you deal with kids and saying no and that line of abundance where do you go, just give them everything you want? So this is a really great way of seeing some of what you think is the downfalls of having more money, okay. And a lot of people resist it and go, "oh, but my kids will be entitled and so, that's why I'm not going to grow my business." It's totally unconscious most of the time. So I always say, "you've got to think about your values will not change when you make more money" and feel comfortable about that. That no amount of money would change your values.
So would you do that for your kids now? Would you let them eat whatever they wanted to eat, have candy all day and buy everything that they want? I don't think you would, even if you had billions of dollars, you would still think, "Hey, this is not healthy for my child to eat candy all day." So I have to admit, I do sometimes just go, "oh yeah, I'll just buy it because it's just easier, or I'll just buy it because it'll be easy just to entertain them for a little bit." But I still have to come back to going, "well, what are my values as a human, as a parent, as a mother, as a business person in the world?" And so, I'll say to the kids, "Hey look, no, we're not buying that." And they go, "why not?" And Willow, actually said to me, who's my oldest. She goes, "but you're a millionaire." She actually said this to me at eight years old.
And my mom was with us and my mom said, "yeah, Willow, but you are not." And I just laughed and went, "oh my God, that's so funny." But actually I said to her, "yeah, but like our values are that, we also want to take care of the environment and you really want extra toys that you'll just throw away and put into landfill?" And she was like, "yeah, I kind of do." But then, we have conversations about the planet and she's having those conversations at school. And so I say, "yeah, well we don't do that because that's our value." And if you grew up hearing, "no, you can't have it because we can't afford it." Then you've never heard what to say instead, because it's just like, "no, what, do you think we're made of money?"
"What, do you think money grows on trees?" To have to actually say no and they go, "why?" And you go, "well, because we don't just buy toys for no reason." Or we've got heaps of toys at home or, and I don't shame them for it. I think that's the important thing. I don't go, "well, who do you think you are having 50 toys? You are ungrateful." I just say, "yeah, that's cool." And I learned this from my friend Marissa Roberts, I've spoken about this so many times on the podcast. Marissa Roberts has a business called Beautifully Organized and simple business tips for moms. She told me how to do this. She said, "oh, that's great. Let's put it on your birthday wishlist or your Christmas wishlist." And so I say, "yeah that's... Oh, wow, that is so cool."
Because most of the time they just, it's that instant gratification of like, "oh look at this cool thing." So I go, "wow, that is really cool. Let's take a picture of it." And so I have a little folder on my phone of present ideas because some, they just forget about it most of the time. But you've acknowledged it and we've put it somewhere and it's like, "oh that's great, let's take a picture of it and I'll put it on your list." Like, "oh your birthday's coming up." And that makes them feel good. So it's not shaming them about stuff. And you know what? Kids are kids. I find that, my mom would say to me, "oh, you don't look after things." We were broke you know? So it's one of those things that's just kid behavior sometimes of not valuing things. And our kids with their iPads, like Georgie threw it on the floor and it cracked. And I was like, "well, this is the consequence, you don't get to play with your iPad because you broke it, we take care of things in our family."
So it's all about values and you know, you're not going to be a horrible person when you make more money because you'll live, you'll have the actual privilege sometimes and to live by your values. Like I can afford to buy more expensive green options. Like I've got the privilege to do it. So sometimes money gives you the bandwidth to live by your values too. Good question. Okay, pivoting now. So a lot of people ask things like what should I focus on, on my business? Should I do a course? Should I do an e-book? Should I do consulting? Should I create a podcast? Should I start a TikTok account? Like what should I do and how do I choose?
And this is really tough, I feel for anyone starting a business at the moment. Because when I started my business, things were much simpler. I think there was... Yes, Facebook just kind of started, but it was so much simpler. And I think now, we can get into a bit of a tease thinking you have to do everything all at once. One thing you can do though, in terms of social media wise, there's a lot of resources now where you don't have to start from scratch. So you can buy a template of like 30 days of social media content and you can buy templates on Canva of how to turn one piece of content into stuff that works on all platforms. So you can make things way easier for yourself, for sure. But I would say, apart from that, follow the path of least resistance.
Would it feel good for you to start a podcast? Would it feel good for you to write instead? There are no rules, really. And sometimes we overthink it and we think it has to be perfect and it doesn't, you just have to kind of get started. So what would be the easiest thing for you? When I started making content, I literally would just turn on my computer and I would speak for five minutes on a particular topic. I wouldn't script it out. I'd maybe have a couple of bullet points, but I'd be like, today, I'm talking about blah and I would just do it and then I would get it transcribed. And then I would clean it up a little bit for an article, but that's all I did. It was very simple. And I would get my hair done on Monday and I would make four or five videos and I would just pick it, freak a topic out of my butt.
So just find the ease in it for you. It's okay for it to be easy. And you don't have to do all of the things, okay. What happens when you don't have money and you don't have the money to invest in helping you get out and make more money? So this is going to happen right? There will be times in your business where you feel more abundant than other times. And it's okay just to feel good, regardless of how much money you have. I know that sounds like total privilege, but a lot of the personal development work that I talk about is, always focusing on self love and acceptance, no matter what. Because you can feel broke with lots of money and you can feel abundant with not very much. So the amount of money that you have, shouldn't impact how you feel about yourself.
It can impact the reality of your situation. Like I'm not going to gaslight you and say, "Hmm, pretend you're abundant," but it's like, you can like yourself at any income. You can accept yourself at any income. And when you do that, then sometimes you have more bandwidth to figure out solutions and it's okay to do everything yourself sometimes in your business. It's okay if you don't have the abundance, the money to pay for someone else to do it. But you then have to get very kind of brutal about what am I going to spend my time on. If I need to focus on income producing activities, what else has got to go? What else has got to go right now? And that could even be stuff at home. You go, "I'm just not going to do any laundry until I've sent out my newsletter." I'm not going to do things.
I'm not going to do some volunteer work for a week. I'm not going to put my hand up first to do the volunteering until... Like, say no to some things, that's okay. I'm not to saying don't volunteer. I'm just saying that sometimes when you have to focus on the making money, it's okay to say no to everything else, that's it. Good question. All right, so what questions to ask a coach that you want to work with about their success and to find out if they're telling the truth or not? That's a great question, wow. I think this is probably coming from an accumulator personality type. Because accumulators can be very skeptical sometimes about, just people's claims of success. So I think that's coming from an accumulator. So it's okay to ask somebody that you know, if they've worked with them.
It's also okay if you go and have a look at testimonials, if you recognize someone, it's okay to reach out to them. If you know someone who knows someone, because sometimes it is true that someone has a lot of testimonials. But if you ask someone in the reality, what's good and what's not, then sometimes you'll hear a different story. And also, not every coach is good for every person, even if they're really successful, they might not be the right fit for you. So what's a better question to ask actually, is to ask yourself, what do I need from this coach? And do I think that they're going to be the best person for that? Because it's very easy to say, "oh, this person made a million dollars from working with me," but it's like, "okay, but how?" Because do you need accountability? Do you need support? Do you need marketing advice? Do you need logistics? Do you need confidence? Do you need a lot of interaction with them?
They're the more important things to ask and then you can tick it off. Because, otherwise, you're different from all of the other people as well. So you can't guarantee anyone's going to give you success. You just need to make sure that they're a good fit for what you need right now. Okay, one more question before we finish for today. But if you liked these AMAs, I do have another, I think I've done five or so. Go and check out the rest of the podcast feed and check out the other ones because they've been really fun to do. And if you've got a question, then definitely come and ask me about it. Last question is money and menstrual cycle, does where we're at in our cycle reflect where we're at with our money mindset each month?
So this is a beautiful question and I will refer you to my friend Stasha, who runs something called The Period Coaching School. And she has a lot of information about how the different parts of your cycle correlate to different activities that you could do. So different parts of your cycle would be better for reflection or creation or sales stuff and things like that. And the other thing that Stasha recommends doing too, is really tracking that and tracking that for yourself because we all have different cycles. Some of us have shorter and longer cycles. Some of us don't have a cycle and just track what it means for you. But she has some really great information and that's the Period Coaching School.
Alrighty, so that's it for today. Thank you so much for listening, I really appreciate it. Please share my podcast with your friends or I would love it if you even to shared the podcast on social media or recommended it in one of your business groups. I would appreciate that so much. And I always love hearing from you. My social media handles that are @denisedt all over the place. And of course, I have tons of resources on my website, denisedt.com. Sit around for one final thought after this last break.
Lauren Oliphant: Hi, my name is Lauren Oliphant, and I have been following Denise Duffield since 2008, 2009. And it's interesting because I did not have a business back then. But something that she spoke about, I love when she said, "it's my time and I'm ready for the next step." And I wanted to make some changes in my life and wasn't sure how, either way, she moved me tremendously. But I thought to myself, "I don't have any money mindset issues." Funny that I thought that, considering I never asked for a raise, whatever they gave me, I said yes to. Even though, I was the most qualified and the work that I was doing at the time. Fast forward to 2020 or 2021, I can't remember which one exactly. And I finally, joined Money Bootcamp and I had been wanting to join for a few years by then. But my money mindset kept getting in the way of me, thinking I had the money to spend on that. And from the moment I joined, I have been knocking money mindset issues left and right, and have been progressing way more and manifesting way better than I did before.
Denise Duffield...: Hey and welcome back. This is just such a simple one, how powerful it is just to remind yourself that you're safe. It's safe for me, it's safe for me to make money. It's safe for me to say no, it's safe for me to have boundaries. I use this as the starting point for all of my affirmations, because you just really need to reassure your nervous system sometimes that it's safe to try something different. So I would love to hear what your 'it's safe affirmation' is at the moment is that it's safe for me to make money is always a good one. It's safe for me to go to the next level in business. Have an amazing week, it's safe for you to be successful. And I will see you next week on another episode of Chill & Prosper. Bye.
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